Huh...careful what you wish for...I was walking down Bank today and right at the corner by Sparks Street (close to Parliament Hill, for you non Ottawans) there was a group of about eight seniors trodging around the block carrying signs that said "Abortion is Murder", "Canada's Holocaust", "Morgentaler Kills Babies", "My Cat's Breath Smells Like Catfood", etc. And you'd better believe a bus came right around the corner as I was passing them...oh, tempt me not!
Actually, what really happened is that as I was walking past them on the sidewalk they were chanting about praying for the sinners (coincidence?) and then they broke into a "Hail Mary" so loud that I actually jumped a little and got this look of "Weirded Out!" that was noticeable enough to make this guy walking towards me get a little weirded out too.
And, again, none of the people with their "Abortion is Murder" signs (with, I might add, the word "Murder" being done in a scary font - all black and red and squiggly - to further emphasize their point, because while logic escapes these folks, aesthetics apparenetly do not!) were women of child-bearing age, because who better to judge the morality of a medical procedure than folks who don't need it? WHO, I say, WHO? What? People who might actually at some point in the future need said procedure? Whuh?!! THAT'S CRAZY TALK HAIL MARY FULL OF GRACE...
Sorry, sorry...not trying to rile the Catholics out there...that's what this is for. And this.
Mwa ha ha ha...TGIF, y'all!
Friday, March 11, 2005
Monday, March 07, 2005
Speaking of Horst Burbulla...
Note - this following post talks about abortion and might offend some readers - feel free to skip down to the end where I'll talk about commericals and other shit.
Got an interesting fax the other day...talking about babies and how wonderful they are and gee, isn't it great when they hold onto your finger in their tiny little hands and then you read them stories and they grow and love you and you love them and love love love love love? Well, too bad, 'cause there won't be any babies any more thanks to same-sex marriage!
Or something like that...these people are really hard to understand. It's like they start out arguing against gay marriage, and then they hear themselves and they're all, shit, that's not convincing, so they go off on tangents and ramble until they wind up at something outrageous like "NO MORE BABIES EVER!!" and then they're all, yeah, good one, and they don't bother checking to see if their argument makes any sense because they're too busy being all indignant and self-righteous and dumb.
And this is where I get especially sensitive to the anti-equal-marriaage activists: when they bring out their procreation trump card. When they start to tell me that marriage exists for the sole purpose of penis-in-vagina-type conception of the next generation. When they say that biology is destiny, and I'm here to make babies, and they start to eye my uterus all covetously, like, seriously, get your own freakin' uterus!
I gotta say, on issues like gay marriage and abortion, these guys have such random, circuitous reasoning. I mean, they go on and on about how we need to stop Bill C-38 because families are the cornerstone of society, and I just want to poke them in the eye, because nobody is saying that families aren't important; in fact, this whole bill came about because a group of dedicated individuals are fighting for the right to have families for the very reason that they are so important to society. GAH! Do these people even listen to themselves? "Families are so important that we need to prevent more of them from happening!"
Same thing on the abortion issue - when I wander down the street and some parade of "abortion is murder" folks are wandering up and down the sidewalk I just want to push them in front of the bus and shout, "No, this is murder!" I can understand that they are against abortion. I GET IT! But what they don't get is that the pro-choicers, like the pro-lifers, would rather live in a world without abortion. Nobody LIKES abortion. No one sets out in life with the goal to have as many abortions as possible. No little girl ever thinks "Gee, I can't wait to grow up and have an abortion!" No little boy ever hopes that one day a sexual partner of his will have an abortion. Nobody wants to live in a world where abortions are the norm, pro-choice or otherwise, and it seems like a certain segment of pro-lifers don't get this.
See, the real issue is not abortions. Abortions are a by-product of unwanted pregnancies. THIS is the real issue, THIS is what people should be working to prevent, if they want to stop abortions. And this is the angle that most pro-choicers take, with an emphasis on family planning, education, and the availability of cheap and safe birth control - with great success! And this is also the angle taken by certain pro-life groups, who recognize that for a lot of women the choice to have an abortion is the result of financial insecurity, social pressures and the stigma of single parenthood. But then you get the (and I'm sorry to stereotype, but it holds pretty true around this town anyway) old men wandering around with their "Jesus hates sluts" signs or whatever hateful rhetoric is popular nowadays, and I just can't take it. Like, you know what, buddy? It's awfully easy for you to say that no one should have access to a procedure that YOU HAVE NEVER NOR WILL YOU EVER NEED.
Now, I'm not saying that men shouldn't have a say in this debate. Obviously, however a child is conceived, there is always a male and female biological parent. And, equally obviously, if those two people implicated in the conception of child disagree on whether to proceed with a pregnancy, you have a 1-1 tie. And when you've go to break the tie, well - again, obviously - the tie goes to the person who's ACTUALLY PREGNANT. And it's when the other side starts disputing that last statement that I just go ballistic.
So what does this have to do with same-sex marriage? Well, the two are linked pretty closely. It's mostly the same groups who protest both issues and the recent debate over Bill c-38 has given these groups the opportunity to sneak in references to abortions, polygamy, pedophilia, etc., as "arguments" against the bill. Strangely enough, theses same groups that would pressure women into adoption rather than abortion protest against that child having two loving, same-sex parents. Huh. Seems that for all their self-righteousness about children and families, all that matters to these folks is that we do as they say, but not as they do. Apparently, they're the only ones who get to be hypocrites.
And now on to other things!
Saw the best commercial the other night - it was about 20 seconds of all sorts of women going about their daily lives, and then stopping, as if something had suddenly occurred to them. Like: woman brushing her teeth, suddenly stops; woman typing at work, suddenly stops; woman reading a book, walking her dog, buying groceries, etc. And halfway through this commercial I turn to D and say "This is an ad for birth control". And sure enough, it was an ad for the birth control patch. And he's all, "How'd you know that?" And I'm all "That is the exact look a woman gets on her face when she suddenly realizes she forgot to take her pill." A great example of an advertising campaign that really knows its target audience.
Also, I'm currently reading the most excellent novel Jonathan Strange & Mr. Norrell by Susanna Clarke, which totally rocks. Yes, it is about magic, no, it is not Harry Potter for grown-ups which is a dumb-ass thing to say, like all books about magic are rip-offs of HP and all movies about ancient Rome are just rip-offs of Ben-Hur and all TV shows about cooking should pay royalties to Julia Child because a topic can be used once in every medium and after that there's nothing original or fresh to say about it. Anyway, the book is a fabulous read and also pretty hefty in case you ever meet somebody who starts talking about how it's really just re-working the old LOTR wizard angle and you need something with which to smack some sense into them. For this, I recommend the hardcover edition.
Also, went to see Be Cool yesterday, and let me just say that until you have seen Dwayne Jonhson deliver a "monologue" from Bring it On, you have not truly lived.
Last but not least - D and I just signed up for zip.ca, and are looking for some little-know cinematic gems we can watch and adore. Any suggestions?
Got an interesting fax the other day...talking about babies and how wonderful they are and gee, isn't it great when they hold onto your finger in their tiny little hands and then you read them stories and they grow and love you and you love them and love love love love love? Well, too bad, 'cause there won't be any babies any more thanks to same-sex marriage!
Or something like that...these people are really hard to understand. It's like they start out arguing against gay marriage, and then they hear themselves and they're all, shit, that's not convincing, so they go off on tangents and ramble until they wind up at something outrageous like "NO MORE BABIES EVER!!" and then they're all, yeah, good one, and they don't bother checking to see if their argument makes any sense because they're too busy being all indignant and self-righteous and dumb.
And this is where I get especially sensitive to the anti-equal-marriaage activists: when they bring out their procreation trump card. When they start to tell me that marriage exists for the sole purpose of penis-in-vagina-type conception of the next generation. When they say that biology is destiny, and I'm here to make babies, and they start to eye my uterus all covetously, like, seriously, get your own freakin' uterus!
I gotta say, on issues like gay marriage and abortion, these guys have such random, circuitous reasoning. I mean, they go on and on about how we need to stop Bill C-38 because families are the cornerstone of society, and I just want to poke them in the eye, because nobody is saying that families aren't important; in fact, this whole bill came about because a group of dedicated individuals are fighting for the right to have families for the very reason that they are so important to society. GAH! Do these people even listen to themselves? "Families are so important that we need to prevent more of them from happening!"
Same thing on the abortion issue - when I wander down the street and some parade of "abortion is murder" folks are wandering up and down the sidewalk I just want to push them in front of the bus and shout, "No, this is murder!" I can understand that they are against abortion. I GET IT! But what they don't get is that the pro-choicers, like the pro-lifers, would rather live in a world without abortion. Nobody LIKES abortion. No one sets out in life with the goal to have as many abortions as possible. No little girl ever thinks "Gee, I can't wait to grow up and have an abortion!" No little boy ever hopes that one day a sexual partner of his will have an abortion. Nobody wants to live in a world where abortions are the norm, pro-choice or otherwise, and it seems like a certain segment of pro-lifers don't get this.
See, the real issue is not abortions. Abortions are a by-product of unwanted pregnancies. THIS is the real issue, THIS is what people should be working to prevent, if they want to stop abortions. And this is the angle that most pro-choicers take, with an emphasis on family planning, education, and the availability of cheap and safe birth control - with great success! And this is also the angle taken by certain pro-life groups, who recognize that for a lot of women the choice to have an abortion is the result of financial insecurity, social pressures and the stigma of single parenthood. But then you get the (and I'm sorry to stereotype, but it holds pretty true around this town anyway) old men wandering around with their "Jesus hates sluts" signs or whatever hateful rhetoric is popular nowadays, and I just can't take it. Like, you know what, buddy? It's awfully easy for you to say that no one should have access to a procedure that YOU HAVE NEVER NOR WILL YOU EVER NEED.
Now, I'm not saying that men shouldn't have a say in this debate. Obviously, however a child is conceived, there is always a male and female biological parent. And, equally obviously, if those two people implicated in the conception of child disagree on whether to proceed with a pregnancy, you have a 1-1 tie. And when you've go to break the tie, well - again, obviously - the tie goes to the person who's ACTUALLY PREGNANT. And it's when the other side starts disputing that last statement that I just go ballistic.
So what does this have to do with same-sex marriage? Well, the two are linked pretty closely. It's mostly the same groups who protest both issues and the recent debate over Bill c-38 has given these groups the opportunity to sneak in references to abortions, polygamy, pedophilia, etc., as "arguments" against the bill. Strangely enough, theses same groups that would pressure women into adoption rather than abortion protest against that child having two loving, same-sex parents. Huh. Seems that for all their self-righteousness about children and families, all that matters to these folks is that we do as they say, but not as they do. Apparently, they're the only ones who get to be hypocrites.
And now on to other things!
Saw the best commercial the other night - it was about 20 seconds of all sorts of women going about their daily lives, and then stopping, as if something had suddenly occurred to them. Like: woman brushing her teeth, suddenly stops; woman typing at work, suddenly stops; woman reading a book, walking her dog, buying groceries, etc. And halfway through this commercial I turn to D and say "This is an ad for birth control". And sure enough, it was an ad for the birth control patch. And he's all, "How'd you know that?" And I'm all "That is the exact look a woman gets on her face when she suddenly realizes she forgot to take her pill." A great example of an advertising campaign that really knows its target audience.
Also, I'm currently reading the most excellent novel Jonathan Strange & Mr. Norrell by Susanna Clarke, which totally rocks. Yes, it is about magic, no, it is not Harry Potter for grown-ups which is a dumb-ass thing to say, like all books about magic are rip-offs of HP and all movies about ancient Rome are just rip-offs of Ben-Hur and all TV shows about cooking should pay royalties to Julia Child because a topic can be used once in every medium and after that there's nothing original or fresh to say about it. Anyway, the book is a fabulous read and also pretty hefty in case you ever meet somebody who starts talking about how it's really just re-working the old LOTR wizard angle and you need something with which to smack some sense into them. For this, I recommend the hardcover edition.
Also, went to see Be Cool yesterday, and let me just say that until you have seen Dwayne Jonhson deliver a "monologue" from Bring it On, you have not truly lived.
Last but not least - D and I just signed up for zip.ca, and are looking for some little-know cinematic gems we can watch and adore. Any suggestions?
Monday, February 28, 2005
What a load of Horst Burbulla!
Well, another Oscar night is come and gone. All in all, one of the better shows in years, I'd say. Kathy Griffin on the red carpet with Star Jones - wow, what an odd pair. Gotta admit, I love me some Kathy Griffin (you're awesome! Stop with the plastic surgery addiction already! Less being cut up, more cutting up others!), especially when she described Gisele Bundchen as "Leonardo DiCaprio's grandmother". Bwa ha ha! That's a keeper.
What else - oh, Chris Rock. People have already complained that he toned it down for the Oscars, but that's probably because IT'S THE OSCARS! Seriously. Anyway, I thought he hit the right balance and his bit about the Gap employee declaring war on Banana Republic...yeah, good times. Although the funniest bit of the night was when he introduced "comedic legend Jeremy Irons" all, haha, it's funny because he's a stodgy old Brit, and then Irons shows off some quick wit with the "I hope they missed" comment that got one of the biggest laughs of the night.
Other good stuff - NFB-produced "Ryan" winning Best Animated Short got the biggest cheer out of the five women in my apartment. We Canucks loves us some Animated Shorts. No gold for fellow Canadians Paul Haggis (adapting Million Dollar Baby) or Hubert Davis (Best Doc Short nominee Hardwood), who at least got to stand on the stage and was easily identified with his movie, 'cause it was about his pro-basketball playing father. Just picture this.
Speaking of standing on the stage - those two new twists this year were less obnoxious than I expected. I refer, of course, to the "lesser" nominees being either a) forced to stand onstage as the names are read, with the losers slinking off in shame when the winner's name is called, kind of like high school all over again when they were on the lunch-time dating game representing the AV club, all, fuck you quarterbacks and drama queens, one day I'm gonna be nominated for an Oscar and forced to live this all out again in front of millions of people or b) seated along the aisle in one section with their fellow nominees while some perpetual Oscar-bridesmaid announces the winner who then proceeds to the Town Hall-esque microphone that's miraculously appeared for their 10 seconds of air time before fucking Bill Conti decides only people who promise to talk about Clint Eastwood don't get cut off by the music.
Okay, let's talk fashion. Um, the women were mostly hot. Whatever. I liked the pretty colours. I'm going to be a little harsh on the dudes here, because, seriously? They have it waaaay easier than the women. It reminds me of grad, with all the girls booking hair and makeup appointments and shopping for dresses months in advance and getting waxed and styled and trimmed, and, omigod, don't get me started on accessories and the shoes, with Mme. McFarland ordering us all to bring them in so we could walk properly in heels, like, Julia Roberts could've have used her some Mme. McFarland, and God Forbid any other girl should get the same dress as you 'cause then wouldn't you both just die and you have to start ALL OVER AGAIN. And the boys, like, rented tuxes the day before grad. So I have a little more sympathy for the women 'cause even if they don't look so good, it's rarely due to a lack of effort. Whereas the men? All they need to do is a)shave, b) get a haircut and c)get a tux. And some of them couldn't even do that - yes, I'm looking at you, Johnny Depp.
This is getting long, so other notable moments:
-Fucking Beyoncé. Note to Academy - an accented name does not a French person make.
-Fucking Josh Groban. I want to poke him in his creepy dead eyes.
-Adam Duritz - Get a haircut or SpongeBob Squarepants is going to try to live in your head.
-Penelope Cruz is no longer relevant, not that she ever was, why is she on my TV?
-Sure, Martin Scorsese didn't really deserve to win this time around, but he's been robbed so many times in the past I figured they'd try to make it up to him. Apparently not. He's the Susan Lucci of legitimate cinema.
-Sean Penn trying to stick up for Jude Law, who was probably wetting himself over the number of times his name was mentioned anyway.
There's lots more but I'm not about to recap the whole night, because somebody's already done that for me.
Oh - and in case you were wondering about the title - I'd like to thank Academy's Science and Tecnology Awards for introducing me to the freakin' awesomest name ever. It's so satisfying to say. Try it! Nobody's around...come on, say it with me! "Horst Burbulla! Horst...Burbulla! Hoooooorst Burbullllllaaaaaa!"
And...I'm spent.
What else - oh, Chris Rock. People have already complained that he toned it down for the Oscars, but that's probably because IT'S THE OSCARS! Seriously. Anyway, I thought he hit the right balance and his bit about the Gap employee declaring war on Banana Republic...yeah, good times. Although the funniest bit of the night was when he introduced "comedic legend Jeremy Irons" all, haha, it's funny because he's a stodgy old Brit, and then Irons shows off some quick wit with the "I hope they missed" comment that got one of the biggest laughs of the night.
Other good stuff - NFB-produced "Ryan" winning Best Animated Short got the biggest cheer out of the five women in my apartment. We Canucks loves us some Animated Shorts. No gold for fellow Canadians Paul Haggis (adapting Million Dollar Baby) or Hubert Davis (Best Doc Short nominee Hardwood), who at least got to stand on the stage and was easily identified with his movie, 'cause it was about his pro-basketball playing father. Just picture this.
Speaking of standing on the stage - those two new twists this year were less obnoxious than I expected. I refer, of course, to the "lesser" nominees being either a) forced to stand onstage as the names are read, with the losers slinking off in shame when the winner's name is called, kind of like high school all over again when they were on the lunch-time dating game representing the AV club, all, fuck you quarterbacks and drama queens, one day I'm gonna be nominated for an Oscar and forced to live this all out again in front of millions of people or b) seated along the aisle in one section with their fellow nominees while some perpetual Oscar-bridesmaid announces the winner who then proceeds to the Town Hall-esque microphone that's miraculously appeared for their 10 seconds of air time before fucking Bill Conti decides only people who promise to talk about Clint Eastwood don't get cut off by the music.
Okay, let's talk fashion. Um, the women were mostly hot. Whatever. I liked the pretty colours. I'm going to be a little harsh on the dudes here, because, seriously? They have it waaaay easier than the women. It reminds me of grad, with all the girls booking hair and makeup appointments and shopping for dresses months in advance and getting waxed and styled and trimmed, and, omigod, don't get me started on accessories and the shoes, with Mme. McFarland ordering us all to bring them in so we could walk properly in heels, like, Julia Roberts could've have used her some Mme. McFarland, and God Forbid any other girl should get the same dress as you 'cause then wouldn't you both just die and you have to start ALL OVER AGAIN. And the boys, like, rented tuxes the day before grad. So I have a little more sympathy for the women 'cause even if they don't look so good, it's rarely due to a lack of effort. Whereas the men? All they need to do is a)shave, b) get a haircut and c)get a tux. And some of them couldn't even do that - yes, I'm looking at you, Johnny Depp.
This is getting long, so other notable moments:
-Fucking Beyoncé. Note to Academy - an accented name does not a French person make.
-Fucking Josh Groban. I want to poke him in his creepy dead eyes.
-Adam Duritz - Get a haircut or SpongeBob Squarepants is going to try to live in your head.
-Penelope Cruz is no longer relevant, not that she ever was, why is she on my TV?
-Sure, Martin Scorsese didn't really deserve to win this time around, but he's been robbed so many times in the past I figured they'd try to make it up to him. Apparently not. He's the Susan Lucci of legitimate cinema.
-Sean Penn trying to stick up for Jude Law, who was probably wetting himself over the number of times his name was mentioned anyway.
There's lots more but I'm not about to recap the whole night, because somebody's already done that for me.
Oh - and in case you were wondering about the title - I'd like to thank Academy's Science and Tecnology Awards for introducing me to the freakin' awesomest name ever. It's so satisfying to say. Try it! Nobody's around...come on, say it with me! "Horst Burbulla! Horst...Burbulla! Hoooooorst Burbullllllaaaaaa!"
And...I'm spent.
Thursday, February 17, 2005
100:1
Oooh, fun with ratios! Want to guess what it is?
a)Odds of Catalina Sandina Moreno winning Best Actress this year
b)Amount of time Floyd spends watching reality TV vs. time spent actually living in reality
c)Number of times Bush has pronounced "nuclear" incorrectly vs. correctly
d)Ratio of e-mails received this morning supporting Bill C-38 to those against.
Have you guessed? That's right, the correct answer is e)-All of the above! Or, more exactly, d). 'Cause this morning, there were over 1200 new e-mails for me to go through - and only 12 of them were against...well, it's hard to tell what these people are against. Mostly they're against other people, I guess. Based on the faxes we've been getting, these people are against eating with two knives or two forks at a time. I kid you not. Fuckwads.
Anyway, ain't nothing gonna break my stride. The debate started in the house yesterday, with the PM kicking things off. All in all, a pretty solid speech and one, which I might add, went up on his website as soon as he started speaking. Read along with Paul! Harper spoke next, but in all honesty, I didn't really listen 'cause I had to work and also because, as I've said before , his position is kind of crap.
But these two, frankly, were just the warm-up act for who was up next - the Silver Fox, aka Gilles Duceppe. 'Cause seriously? Dude rocked the house. He was eloquent and passionnate and hardly even looked at his notes. He even kicked Maurice Vellacott's ass all over the place, and I always enjoy watching a self-righteous snot get taken down a notch or two or 10. I'm thinking of ordering a tape, actually, because written words don't really do it justice. Suffice it to say, Vellacott was being a condescending smart-ass and Duceppe responded in English and smacked him down but hard. I just hope he doesn't argue this convincingly for Quebec sovereignty...
The NDP speaker was Bill Siksay, one of three openly gay MPs in the House, and his speech was really personal and touching. You'd have to be a pretty cold-hearted bastard to look someone like that in the face afterwards and say "Nope, still don't want your relationships to be as valued as mine!" But it still happened.
Anyway, as I said, correspondence has been overwhelmingly supportive. I've been keeping since the beginning, and overall it's about 3:1 for and against. Not bad when you consider that I've received about 15,000 messages. Still, I'd appreciate it if equal-marriage opponents would stop being so batshit crazy.
a)Odds of Catalina Sandina Moreno winning Best Actress this year
b)Amount of time Floyd spends watching reality TV vs. time spent actually living in reality
c)Number of times Bush has pronounced "nuclear" incorrectly vs. correctly
d)Ratio of e-mails received this morning supporting Bill C-38 to those against.
Have you guessed? That's right, the correct answer is e)-All of the above! Or, more exactly, d). 'Cause this morning, there were over 1200 new e-mails for me to go through - and only 12 of them were against...well, it's hard to tell what these people are against. Mostly they're against other people, I guess. Based on the faxes we've been getting, these people are against eating with two knives or two forks at a time. I kid you not. Fuckwads.
Anyway, ain't nothing gonna break my stride. The debate started in the house yesterday, with the PM kicking things off. All in all, a pretty solid speech and one, which I might add, went up on his website as soon as he started speaking. Read along with Paul! Harper spoke next, but in all honesty, I didn't really listen 'cause I had to work and also because, as I've said before , his position is kind of crap.
But these two, frankly, were just the warm-up act for who was up next - the Silver Fox, aka Gilles Duceppe. 'Cause seriously? Dude rocked the house. He was eloquent and passionnate and hardly even looked at his notes. He even kicked Maurice Vellacott's ass all over the place, and I always enjoy watching a self-righteous snot get taken down a notch or two or 10. I'm thinking of ordering a tape, actually, because written words don't really do it justice. Suffice it to say, Vellacott was being a condescending smart-ass and Duceppe responded in English and smacked him down but hard. I just hope he doesn't argue this convincingly for Quebec sovereignty...
The NDP speaker was Bill Siksay, one of three openly gay MPs in the House, and his speech was really personal and touching. You'd have to be a pretty cold-hearted bastard to look someone like that in the face afterwards and say "Nope, still don't want your relationships to be as valued as mine!" But it still happened.
Anyway, as I said, correspondence has been overwhelmingly supportive. I've been keeping since the beginning, and overall it's about 3:1 for and against. Not bad when you consider that I've received about 15,000 messages. Still, I'd appreciate it if equal-marriage opponents would stop being so batshit crazy.
Tuesday, February 15, 2005
You can tell by this electronic communications device that I am important
One of my biggest peeves on this job is the constant use of these. The bastard child of cell phones and laptop computers, these little gizmos are EVERYWHERE at work. You're just not anybody if you don't have one, like in middle school with Club Monaco sweatshirts, only WAY more annoying.
Anyway, I like to pass my day making fun of people who are all addicted to their CrackBerries and mock them for their hip holsters, like, what are you, a digital cowboy in the Wild Wild Web?
And then we got one. At our office. Man, we don't even have cell phones. My co-worker and I sort of stared at it, half-fearfully, like primitive women after a lightening strike sets fire to some nearby bushes. Oooh, pretty! But what is it? Is it dangerous? Is it useful? Ow, it buuuuuuuuuurns!
I was really worried I'd turn into a CrackHead myself, but it turns out that my laziness overrides my need for social status. Although I did take a great deal of pleasure that we got the newer version which is smaller and sleeker and has a colour screen, boo yah losers!
Ahem...anyway, I haven't really bothered using it much. It takes for-freakin'-ever to type e-mails, especially since I stupidly refuse to compromise on capitalization, punctuation and sentence structure. Whatever, it looks pretty and it makes me feel special - it's like a trophy wife for political staffers!
In other news - if you guys aren't watching Monday Report you're missing the awesomest half-hour on TV. Be sure to check out the piece on Denmark from last week!It's satirific!
Anyway, I like to pass my day making fun of people who are all addicted to their CrackBerries and mock them for their hip holsters, like, what are you, a digital cowboy in the Wild Wild Web?
And then we got one. At our office. Man, we don't even have cell phones. My co-worker and I sort of stared at it, half-fearfully, like primitive women after a lightening strike sets fire to some nearby bushes. Oooh, pretty! But what is it? Is it dangerous? Is it useful? Ow, it buuuuuuuuuurns!
I was really worried I'd turn into a CrackHead myself, but it turns out that my laziness overrides my need for social status. Although I did take a great deal of pleasure that we got the newer version which is smaller and sleeker and has a colour screen, boo yah losers!
Ahem...anyway, I haven't really bothered using it much. It takes for-freakin'-ever to type e-mails, especially since I stupidly refuse to compromise on capitalization, punctuation and sentence structure. Whatever, it looks pretty and it makes me feel special - it's like a trophy wife for political staffers!
In other news - if you guys aren't watching Monday Report you're missing the awesomest half-hour on TV. Be sure to check out the piece on Denmark from last week!It's satirific!
Friday, February 11, 2005
Sunshine, lollipops and rainbows...
Um...I don't really know the rest of the words to that song. I don't even know if those are the words. Lemme check. Alright, looks good.
Anyway, just trying to clear my mind a bit...I know the last few posts have been angstalicious - it's been a long week, people! Bear with me. Anyway, here's something fun - I naved through nate's blog and then found this cool site through links onShelleBelle's. So, something fun and totally tirade free for this entry!
Whee! That was fun...Well, while I'm at it, how about this. Whoops! I meant this!
Anyway, just trying to clear my mind a bit...I know the last few posts have been angstalicious - it's been a long week, people! Bear with me. Anyway, here's something fun - I naved through nate's blog and then found this cool site through links onShelleBelle's. So, something fun and totally tirade free for this entry!
You Are the Very Gay Bert and Ernie! |
 Two grown puppets living together, sleeping in the same room? They've even got coordinating striped shirts! |
Whee! That was fun...Well, while I'm at it, how about this. Whoops! I meant this!
Apparently, they hate trees too...
So, I was in a kinda good mood...I put all new r&b and 80s music on my Mp3 player and was in full MIG mode to Beyoncé's "Crazy in Love" and got into work to the sounds of "Video Killed the Radio Star" (the original by The Buggles, not the craptacular Presidents of the United States of America remake). All in all, a pretty good start to my day.
Until I saw the fax machine...oh, those fuckers. Seriously people? It's called E-MAIL. It's this form of communication where YOU CAN SEND A MESSAGE INSTANTLY WITHOUT USING INK AND PAPER. Look into it sometime. So yeah, there was a pile of anti-equal marriage faxes all stacked up, and we have to keep refilling the goddamn trays because people can't just send the fax ONCE they have to send it TWO OR THREE TIMES because that is the fax equivalent of SHOUTING!!! And we all know that SHOUTING SOMETHING MEANS IT'S TRUE!!! THE LOUDER YOU TALK THE MORE VALID YOUR MESSAGE IS!!!
Anyway...sigh...it's just that they took two of my least favorite things (vitriolic ignorance and wanton disregard for the environment) and smooshed them together and gave them to me first thing on a Friday morning. Goddamn bastards.
Until I saw the fax machine...oh, those fuckers. Seriously people? It's called E-MAIL. It's this form of communication where YOU CAN SEND A MESSAGE INSTANTLY WITHOUT USING INK AND PAPER. Look into it sometime. So yeah, there was a pile of anti-equal marriage faxes all stacked up, and we have to keep refilling the goddamn trays because people can't just send the fax ONCE they have to send it TWO OR THREE TIMES because that is the fax equivalent of SHOUTING!!! And we all know that SHOUTING SOMETHING MEANS IT'S TRUE!!! THE LOUDER YOU TALK THE MORE VALID YOUR MESSAGE IS!!!
Anyway...sigh...it's just that they took two of my least favorite things (vitriolic ignorance and wanton disregard for the environment) and smooshed them together and gave them to me first thing on a Friday morning. Goddamn bastards.
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