Almost two years ago, a bunch of the ol' Stelly's crew of '99 met up, as we try to do, around Christmas to catch up and drink and be merry. We were discussing school and jobs and so forth, when we hit upon the topic of adulthood. When, exactly, did a young person cross that intangible line into the realm of the grown-up? After much deliberation, we decided unanimously upon the one defining characteristic of the adult:
Dental plan. Your mommy's or daddy's doesn't count.
So here I am, one week into my first job that isn't measured by the semester, and I discover while reviewing my pay and benefits package that I am an adult. Or, more specifically, I will be an adult in three (3) months, provided I am a long-term employee who for those three (3) moths of employment is paid for at least 12.5 hours of work, not including the blah blah blah sign on the dotted line etc, etc. I dunno, I guess I should be excited. Maybe I should throw a party or something, and we can do grown-up things like drink martinis and discuss paint schemes and all be home by 10pm. Actually, that sounds kind of fun...['aiiiieeeee!!!' - the 18 year old still left in Laura].
As for the job - well, props and a million thanks to Kaija, who will be earning awesome karma with finding gainful employment for this recent grad. Still, I plan on remaining the super-cool Laura Floyd you always knew. Er...make that the "kinda strange, but in a way that, while not totally cool, is at least partially entertaining (especially after many drinks)."
Monday, August 23, 2004
Monday, July 12, 2004
Putting the...y'know...back in 'Caucus'
Sooo...I'm packing my bags on July 7th (um, I mean, I was already packed! In advance! And I certainly didn't forget to bring my jacket!) when alert government employee Heather D. phones to tell me about the YOW evacuation. Of which I became a casualty. Um, not in the sense of dying or anything, in the sense of being bumped around to different planes. All in all, not too bad - they did manage to get me back to Victoria only two hours later than my original flight. However - they did inadvertently expose me to a close encounter of the Conservative kind...
So the seats at the gate for my flight to the T. are full. No biggie, I just grab one at the gate one over, Air Canada direct to Calgary. I'm sitting there, sort of reading, when this tool in a tight shiny black t-shirt and his bleached-blond companion have a seat next to me. I don't really pay much attention, mostly because I'm trying to remember the name of the MP across the floor...thank jebus for the House Page test - I spy with my little eye, someone named Art Hanger! And then - horrors, he starts walking towards me...I burrow deeper into my "Unfinished History of the World"...uh huh, fertile crescent, millet, irrigation, that's interesting...and suddenly the shiny t-shirt guy announces "Art Hanger!" and I turn in slow-mo to my left only to discover to my horror just who tight tight shiny black t-shirt guy is.
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!
As I sat there, they were joined by this guy. The conversation revolved mostly around how he had made his MP pin into a ring. A pretty, shiny, ring. Oooh, so shiny! Don't you think it's shiny, Rob? Oh yeah...it's simply precioussss.
Where's that air sickness bag when you need it?
So the seats at the gate for my flight to the T. are full. No biggie, I just grab one at the gate one over, Air Canada direct to Calgary. I'm sitting there, sort of reading, when this tool in a tight shiny black t-shirt and his bleached-blond companion have a seat next to me. I don't really pay much attention, mostly because I'm trying to remember the name of the MP across the floor...thank jebus for the House Page test - I spy with my little eye, someone named Art Hanger! And then - horrors, he starts walking towards me...I burrow deeper into my "Unfinished History of the World"...uh huh, fertile crescent, millet, irrigation, that's interesting...and suddenly the shiny t-shirt guy announces "Art Hanger!" and I turn in slow-mo to my left only to discover to my horror just who tight tight shiny black t-shirt guy is.
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!
As I sat there, they were joined by this guy. The conversation revolved mostly around how he had made his MP pin into a ring. A pretty, shiny, ring. Oooh, so shiny! Don't you think it's shiny, Rob? Oh yeah...it's simply precioussss.
Where's that air sickness bag when you need it?
Monday, July 05, 2004
Ramblin' (Wo)Man
Well, it's been a great few weeks in Ottawa...catching up with everyone, watching 200 channels of daytime TV, matching my bedskirt to my sheet set to my blinds, etc. As of July 7th, however, I will be back to my digs out West for four weeks - and big props to roomie Mo for pointing out correctly that the 7th is a Wednesday, and not a Thursday as I had originally thought. Interestingly enough, I had actually made plans for Wednesday night in both Ottawa and Victoria, but on second thought I think I'll just leave the space-time continuum as is.
My last major assignment in O-town is to finally get my freakin' film developed (ooh, "get a job" is totally jealous of "develop film" now!). I would also like to give big props, and by props I mean kicks to the nether regions to stores that REFUSE TO PUT THE PRICES OF THEIR FILM PHOTO FINISHING SERVICES ON-LINE. Which would be everybody but Japan Camera Rideau Centre, whose prices are so horrendous that...well, maybe with my one roll of film in 1hr plus CD for $26 dollars I also get to kick the manager in the nether regions. And a free doughnut. Anyway, I think I got the most angry because these places (Loblaws, Shoppers, Blacks, London Drugs) listed on-line digital services because OBVIOUSLY anyone who uses this "internet" thingy to find info MUST have a digital camera and THEREFORE taking five minutes to list the equivalent film prices is A BIG WASTE OF TIME.
By the way - Dan had his pictures downloaded to his computer and posted on his website within three days of our arrival in Ottawa.
NO, YOU'RE ANALOG!
My last major assignment in O-town is to finally get my freakin' film developed (ooh, "get a job" is totally jealous of "develop film" now!). I would also like to give big props, and by props I mean kicks to the nether regions to stores that REFUSE TO PUT THE PRICES OF THEIR FILM PHOTO FINISHING SERVICES ON-LINE. Which would be everybody but Japan Camera Rideau Centre, whose prices are so horrendous that...well, maybe with my one roll of film in 1hr plus CD for $26 dollars I also get to kick the manager in the nether regions. And a free doughnut. Anyway, I think I got the most angry because these places (Loblaws, Shoppers, Blacks, London Drugs) listed on-line digital services because OBVIOUSLY anyone who uses this "internet" thingy to find info MUST have a digital camera and THEREFORE taking five minutes to list the equivalent film prices is A BIG WASTE OF TIME.
By the way - Dan had his pictures downloaded to his computer and posted on his website within three days of our arrival in Ottawa.
NO, YOU'RE ANALOG!
Tuesday, June 22, 2004
What a Difference a Month Makes
Hey there homegirls and boys,
Yeah, so it's been approximately forever since I lasted posted...hope none of you were holding your breath...if so, I will certainly send flowers to your bereaved families.
Dan and I returned safe and sound from Europe on the 4th, and boy was it good to be in Canada again. Don't get me wrong, I had an amazing trip - but you do get homesick after five months! Well fine, maybe you don't, but I do, and this is MY freakin' blog! Anyhoo, by the end of it, I was getting pretty bent out of shape over little things...like the rose vendors (here's a rerun for those of you who were at the gradumacation pary):
The Unbearable Lightness of Being a Rose Vendor
Scene: Eiffel Tower at night
Characters: Laura, Dan, rose vendor
Dan: Hey, let's go up the eiffel tower!
Laura: Cool!
Rose Vendor: (offering rose) Only one euro!
Laura: No thanks.
Rose Vendor: (attempts to put rose in Laura's arms)
Laura: (shouting right in his face) NO!!!!
Rose Vendor: (runs away)
Dan: (covers face in embarassment) Um, I don't know this girl.
But enough about Europe...well, maybe until I get my pictures developed and I remember all the crap I saw...
Props to the proud and many who came out to gradumacation - good times had by all. I know I was supposed to post the results of "Put on fridge/make a funny hat" but after several gin and tonics, there was a surprise winner - "put on kitchen table". And so the saga ends...or does it?????
Since then, I've been slooooooowly unpacking...mostly because while I have no job, I do have digital cable - slogan: "All MacGyver, all the time". But hey, I'm still preparing for the future; just yesterday I started to get ready to begin looking for a job.
And without a segue, on to politics. Like many people, I find Stephen Harper personally frightening - you know, like a clown who on the surface is all "Ha ha I'm a clown!" but underneath is all "I wonder what eyeballs taste like?" Also, if the mofo wants to legislate my body - well, he's welcome to show up to rugby practice and discuss it with the team.
And now some fun links about him and the yellow-speedo wearing MP from Wacko, Rob Anders.
Later dudes!
Yeah, so it's been approximately forever since I lasted posted...hope none of you were holding your breath...if so, I will certainly send flowers to your bereaved families.
Dan and I returned safe and sound from Europe on the 4th, and boy was it good to be in Canada again. Don't get me wrong, I had an amazing trip - but you do get homesick after five months! Well fine, maybe you don't, but I do, and this is MY freakin' blog! Anyhoo, by the end of it, I was getting pretty bent out of shape over little things...like the rose vendors (here's a rerun for those of you who were at the gradumacation pary):
The Unbearable Lightness of Being a Rose Vendor
Scene: Eiffel Tower at night
Characters: Laura, Dan, rose vendor
Dan: Hey, let's go up the eiffel tower!
Laura: Cool!
Rose Vendor: (offering rose) Only one euro!
Laura: No thanks.
Rose Vendor: (attempts to put rose in Laura's arms)
Laura: (shouting right in his face) NO!!!!
Rose Vendor: (runs away)
Dan: (covers face in embarassment) Um, I don't know this girl.
But enough about Europe...well, maybe until I get my pictures developed and I remember all the crap I saw...
Props to the proud and many who came out to gradumacation - good times had by all. I know I was supposed to post the results of "Put on fridge/make a funny hat" but after several gin and tonics, there was a surprise winner - "put on kitchen table". And so the saga ends...or does it?????
Since then, I've been slooooooowly unpacking...mostly because while I have no job, I do have digital cable - slogan: "All MacGyver, all the time". But hey, I'm still preparing for the future; just yesterday I started to get ready to begin looking for a job.
And without a segue, on to politics. Like many people, I find Stephen Harper personally frightening - you know, like a clown who on the surface is all "Ha ha I'm a clown!" but underneath is all "I wonder what eyeballs taste like?" Also, if the mofo wants to legislate my body - well, he's welcome to show up to rugby practice and discuss it with the team.
And now some fun links about him and the yellow-speedo wearing MP from Wacko, Rob Anders.
Later dudes!
Saturday, May 29, 2004
Talking to Americans
So we run into these two from California...we don't know their names, but Dan and I like to call them Biff and Suzie because, well, they looked like a Biff and a Suzie. First, they were really surprised that we would ever have heard of their hometown - a little place called "Sacramento". Marvel at this little snippet of conversation:
Suzie: What's that word they keep saying? 'Donkey'?
Laura: Do you mean "Danke"?
Suzie: Yeah, that. What's that mean?
Laura: Um...it means "Thank you".
Suzie: Oh, that's great! [practicing] Donkey. Donkey!!!
It gets worse...overheard at a train station:
Elderly Couple from the South: Excuse me - is there a McDonalds in this station?
Helpful Eurail Woman: Um...I don't think so. There's one about a 10-min walk away.
ECS: That far? There isn't one in here?
HEW: No - but there is a Burger King.
ECS: Ew...Burger King...
Aw...funny how travelling is supposed to open your mind, but I find that it just perpetuates the stereotypes I always had! Like how the French are rude, Germans are efficient, Italians can't make their goddamn trains run on time so you miss your connection even though you should have had 20 FUCKING MINUTES TO SPARE...etc, etc.
Although I gotta say that my presumptions about the Swiss being orderly and dependable were a little shaken up when we ran across four off-duty soldiers in the Brig train station, semi-automatics in one hand and beer can in the other...
And now for something completely different: Heart & Crown, Ottawa, June 8, 9pm. Be there or be the only kid on the block not to have a vote on the hot topic of "Laura's Degree: Put it on the fridge or make it into a funny hat?"
Suzie: What's that word they keep saying? 'Donkey'?
Laura: Do you mean "Danke"?
Suzie: Yeah, that. What's that mean?
Laura: Um...it means "Thank you".
Suzie: Oh, that's great! [practicing] Donkey. Donkey!!!
It gets worse...overheard at a train station:
Elderly Couple from the South: Excuse me - is there a McDonalds in this station?
Helpful Eurail Woman: Um...I don't think so. There's one about a 10-min walk away.
ECS: That far? There isn't one in here?
HEW: No - but there is a Burger King.
ECS: Ew...Burger King...
Aw...funny how travelling is supposed to open your mind, but I find that it just perpetuates the stereotypes I always had! Like how the French are rude, Germans are efficient, Italians can't make their goddamn trains run on time so you miss your connection even though you should have had 20 FUCKING MINUTES TO SPARE...etc, etc.
Although I gotta say that my presumptions about the Swiss being orderly and dependable were a little shaken up when we ran across four off-duty soldiers in the Brig train station, semi-automatics in one hand and beer can in the other...
And now for something completely different: Heart & Crown, Ottawa, June 8, 9pm. Be there or be the only kid on the block not to have a vote on the hot topic of "Laura's Degree: Put it on the fridge or make it into a funny hat?"
Monday, May 24, 2004
Squatting: It Does a Body Good
Howdy y'all,
So, it's been awhile...blame it on the expensive internet, the funky keyboards, and my ever-increasing alcoholism. Also, the net here at the easy internet cafe in Rome keeps shutting down, so I can't really organize my thoughts - so enjoy a series of unrelated rants, starting with:
Squatting
No, I don't mean the kind where you live in an abandoned building. I mean the kind when you get into a washroom and, for a variety of reasons, decide that you'd really rather not put your ass on THAT OMG WHAT IS THAT$"£$"(!!! I've been doing my fair share ever since January since the good people who run Vimy decided that toilet seats are for suckas! We don't need no stinking toilet seats! I tell ya, there's no incentive to squat quite like the cold mid-winter's kiss of porcelain on your delicate cheeks...
Butt...a side benefit of this, along with living on the 3rd floor of a house, is that despite my daily regimen of TV and a wheel of brie for four months, I appear to be in the same shape as always! Which is to say, not very good...still, Dan and I consistently whoop the elderly and people with baby carriages on most hikes and climbs up hills...take that!
Team Discovery Channel!
So, Addie and Dan and I spent the better part of the day in the Deutsches museum, and discovered once and for all why Germans kick ass in a lot of things - sports, science, music, etc. : they make learning fun! There was this chemistry section, and it was all in German, but we still looked at every single freakin' exhibit, because they had these buttons you could push and you would create a chemical reaction!!!! Sooooo radical. And you can just imagine all this little German kids making (and smelling, through the handy whiff-o-matic window) ammonia for the first time, and being all, "One day, I will use my knowledge for the betterment of mankind!" Or possibly, "It smells like burning!" Cause it did.
When in Rome
Watch for pickpockets. That's what everybody says, including this guy who has been our guiding light throughout the trip. So we watched every single person who came within our personal space (approximate size - one city block) and I would shout at them angrily while Dan ran back to the hotel with our bags. Seriously though, I've been pretty paranoid...every old lady, small child and priest is a potential thief, right? But now I'm thinking that maybe I went overboard...I should go apologize to that old lady...maybe she really was just trying to get onto the metro car, not swipe my money belt...
Italy vs. Germany: The Deathmatch
Sorry, I lied - no death or anything...just wanted to keep your attention for another couple of minutes. Just wanted to make a quick observation on the differences between the two cultures (since I am, after a couple of weeks, an expert on such things). Germany? Is very orderly. For example - you know how, in Canada, if you want to be nice, you move over to the right side of an escalator to let other people pass? Well in Germany, this is not a courtesy - this is the way things are done. Standing on the left side is like going a measly 150km/h in the passing lane of the Autobahn - you just don't do it. Because it's not orderly! You must be orderly! And efficient! The whole world must be orderly and efficient, and we'll conquer you all if we must to make you orderly and efficient!!!!!
Ahem...got a little carried away there. Actually, I appreciated the order and efficiency of Munich, a big city that was pretty clean and friendly and - can you belive it - had a spotless metro.
So Italy? Was a bit...different. One quick and meaningless example: as Dan and I waited in line the other day to buy groceries (at the bizarrely named "Drugstore"), we noticed that people were just randomly piling their baskets up at the cash, not stacking them. A couple got knocked over, blocking the narrow aisle. Nobody picked them up. People kicked them, stepped over them, edged around them, but - nobody picked them up. Also, some of the subway cars are so graffitied that you can't even see out the windows.
Toto? I don't think we're in Germany anymore.
When in Rome (still)
Aw, but Rome is beautiful. Really, really beautiful. Amazing. It's really moving to walk down the street and come face to face with sights like the Trevi Fountain, the Vittorio Emmanuel monument, the Forum, etc. I think the highlight, though, was definitely our visit to the very first McDonald's in Italy, complete with flower baskets, Roman arches, terrace-style dining areas and a mini-waterfall against a mosaic background...
Kidding, kidding...well, sort of. Actually, what I find most striking is how advanced Rome was, and how far Western civilization fell during the middle ages. I mean, Rome had a 50,000 seat stadium with numbered entrances ("Damn, not LVIII again!"), shade and refreshments...and the middle ages had raw sewage in the streets.
Makes you think.
Makes you want another beer.
Cheers!
So, it's been awhile...blame it on the expensive internet, the funky keyboards, and my ever-increasing alcoholism. Also, the net here at the easy internet cafe in Rome keeps shutting down, so I can't really organize my thoughts - so enjoy a series of unrelated rants, starting with:
Squatting
No, I don't mean the kind where you live in an abandoned building. I mean the kind when you get into a washroom and, for a variety of reasons, decide that you'd really rather not put your ass on THAT OMG WHAT IS THAT$"£$"(!!! I've been doing my fair share ever since January since the good people who run Vimy decided that toilet seats are for suckas! We don't need no stinking toilet seats! I tell ya, there's no incentive to squat quite like the cold mid-winter's kiss of porcelain on your delicate cheeks...
Butt...a side benefit of this, along with living on the 3rd floor of a house, is that despite my daily regimen of TV and a wheel of brie for four months, I appear to be in the same shape as always! Which is to say, not very good...still, Dan and I consistently whoop the elderly and people with baby carriages on most hikes and climbs up hills...take that!
Team Discovery Channel!
So, Addie and Dan and I spent the better part of the day in the Deutsches museum, and discovered once and for all why Germans kick ass in a lot of things - sports, science, music, etc. : they make learning fun! There was this chemistry section, and it was all in German, but we still looked at every single freakin' exhibit, because they had these buttons you could push and you would create a chemical reaction!!!! Sooooo radical. And you can just imagine all this little German kids making (and smelling, through the handy whiff-o-matic window) ammonia for the first time, and being all, "One day, I will use my knowledge for the betterment of mankind!" Or possibly, "It smells like burning!" Cause it did.
When in Rome
Watch for pickpockets. That's what everybody says, including this guy who has been our guiding light throughout the trip. So we watched every single person who came within our personal space (approximate size - one city block) and I would shout at them angrily while Dan ran back to the hotel with our bags. Seriously though, I've been pretty paranoid...every old lady, small child and priest is a potential thief, right? But now I'm thinking that maybe I went overboard...I should go apologize to that old lady...maybe she really was just trying to get onto the metro car, not swipe my money belt...
Italy vs. Germany: The Deathmatch
Sorry, I lied - no death or anything...just wanted to keep your attention for another couple of minutes. Just wanted to make a quick observation on the differences between the two cultures (since I am, after a couple of weeks, an expert on such things). Germany? Is very orderly. For example - you know how, in Canada, if you want to be nice, you move over to the right side of an escalator to let other people pass? Well in Germany, this is not a courtesy - this is the way things are done. Standing on the left side is like going a measly 150km/h in the passing lane of the Autobahn - you just don't do it. Because it's not orderly! You must be orderly! And efficient! The whole world must be orderly and efficient, and we'll conquer you all if we must to make you orderly and efficient!!!!!
Ahem...got a little carried away there. Actually, I appreciated the order and efficiency of Munich, a big city that was pretty clean and friendly and - can you belive it - had a spotless metro.
So Italy? Was a bit...different. One quick and meaningless example: as Dan and I waited in line the other day to buy groceries (at the bizarrely named "Drugstore"), we noticed that people were just randomly piling their baskets up at the cash, not stacking them. A couple got knocked over, blocking the narrow aisle. Nobody picked them up. People kicked them, stepped over them, edged around them, but - nobody picked them up. Also, some of the subway cars are so graffitied that you can't even see out the windows.
Toto? I don't think we're in Germany anymore.
When in Rome (still)
Aw, but Rome is beautiful. Really, really beautiful. Amazing. It's really moving to walk down the street and come face to face with sights like the Trevi Fountain, the Vittorio Emmanuel monument, the Forum, etc. I think the highlight, though, was definitely our visit to the very first McDonald's in Italy, complete with flower baskets, Roman arches, terrace-style dining areas and a mini-waterfall against a mosaic background...
Kidding, kidding...well, sort of. Actually, what I find most striking is how advanced Rome was, and how far Western civilization fell during the middle ages. I mean, Rome had a 50,000 seat stadium with numbered entrances ("Damn, not LVIII again!"), shade and refreshments...and the middle ages had raw sewage in the streets.
Makes you think.
Makes you want another beer.
Cheers!
Sunday, May 16, 2004
The List, Part the Second
Ah, writing lists are hard...so much easier to just rant and throw in some cuss words...but here goes:
Number of haunted house rides gone on in Bruges: 1
Number of times Laura told the man in the scary mask who jumped out at her to "Fuck Off!":1
Number of times she told him to "Go Away!": 2
Number of small children on the same car who were less scared than her: 6
Number of years since 8th grade group project that made Laura want to visit Luxembourg: 9 (fuck! How old am I?)
Grade said project received: A
Percentage of grade that was likely due to the cheesecake that was served with project: 50, and why the hell not, it was damn good cheesecake...
Ratio of minutes spent in Luxembourg to sex shops seen: 5:1
Rank of Germany in terms of favourite countries visited: 1
Rank of "Schweineflesche" (literally "pig flesh", German for "pork") on list of German words that make Laura and Dan giggle: 2
Rank of "Gute Fahrt": 1
Mental age of Laura and Dan, in years: 10 (and dropping like a stone)
Time, in seconds, that it took for Laura to make the scrunchy "I'm going to cry" face after she dropped her cone of Riesling-flavoured gelato: 2
Days left: 19
Brain cells left: slightly less than that
Number of haunted house rides gone on in Bruges: 1
Number of times Laura told the man in the scary mask who jumped out at her to "Fuck Off!":1
Number of times she told him to "Go Away!": 2
Number of small children on the same car who were less scared than her: 6
Number of years since 8th grade group project that made Laura want to visit Luxembourg: 9 (fuck! How old am I?)
Grade said project received: A
Percentage of grade that was likely due to the cheesecake that was served with project: 50, and why the hell not, it was damn good cheesecake...
Ratio of minutes spent in Luxembourg to sex shops seen: 5:1
Rank of Germany in terms of favourite countries visited: 1
Rank of "Schweineflesche" (literally "pig flesh", German for "pork") on list of German words that make Laura and Dan giggle: 2
Rank of "Gute Fahrt": 1
Mental age of Laura and Dan, in years: 10 (and dropping like a stone)
Time, in seconds, that it took for Laura to make the scrunchy "I'm going to cry" face after she dropped her cone of Riesling-flavoured gelato: 2
Days left: 19
Brain cells left: slightly less than that
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