October Rocks!

(Aside – that title reminds me of one of my favourite lines from one of my favourite episodes of my favourite show – the scene from the Band Candy episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer, where the kids show up at school and see that someone has spray-painted “Kiss Rocks!” on the lockers, and Willow asks “Why would anyone want to kiss rocks?”) (BWA HAHAHAHA!) (Haahaha) (heh) (cough)…anyway…on with our regularly scheduled programming).

This is my favorite month. Sorry, January – go cry to mommy. July? Take a hike. March? You suck. October has it all.

First, October is, generally, a pretty decent month, weather-wise. I’m a jeans and sweater-type gal, so growing up in BC, October generally had my back with the 10-20 degree weather. Here in Ontario – well, y’all know how I feel about fall in Ottawa.

Second, October is non-transition month. What I mean is that October doesn’t signify a big lifestyle change - September is back to school month; so is January to some extent; and then there’s either May (university) or July (everyone else) that’s the WHEEE HOME FREE LET’S ALL HANG AROUND THE MALLS AND IRRITATE FLOYD WHEN SHE’S TRYING TO GET SOME QUICK SHOPPING DONE, LIKE OMIGOD THAT SHIRT TOTALLY MAKES YOU LOOK HOTT MAYBE BRETT BRETTERSON WILL FINALLY ASK YOU OUT, HE’S SO FUCKING COOL month.

But not October – no, October is straightforward and dependable. It’s not here to shake you up, but to help you settle into that new routine comfortably. September rearranges all the furniture – October’s there with a pillow and a martini to help you get used to it.

Of course, the main reason that October Rocks is…well, it’s actually two reasons: Thanksgiving and Hallowe’en. These are and have always been my two favourite holidays/festive events because: dude. First you stuff yourself on home-cooked goodness, and then you stuff yourself on artificially manufactured goodness.

Thanksgiving is probably the last of the non-commercialized holidays – partly because a decapitated fowl makes a lousing marketing mascot (“Hi kids! Henry the Headless turkey here! Make sure your parents buy you my special brand of cranberry sauce! It’s almost as delicious as my roasted flesh!”), and partly because there’s no gift giving involved, unless, of course, you count basic human kindness and generosity, which I do, but most major retailers don’t, because it’s hard to put in a box with a garish ribbon and a cartoony mascot and sell it for $19.99 plus applicable taxes.

And then there’s Hallowe’en, which, much like Christmas, is the bastardized version of an ancient Celtic seasonal celebration, but with more zombies (insert inappropriate “Jesus rising from his tomb” joke here) (insert apology here). Both holidays are commercialized beyond belief, with Christmas being slightly more so because they are actually trying to sell you human kindness and generosity in a box with a garish ribbon and a cartoony mascot, only they charge twice as much and won’t let you return it on Boxing Day.

But Hallowe’en – all they are trying to sell you is candy (And various novelty decorations. And those Playboy bunny outfits that you only wear if you are a) looking for tail, or b) saving it for marriage). Not love, not compassion, not the key to a happier, more harmonious world. Just candy covered in chocolate coated in sugar rolled in sprinkled sealed with spoooookiness.

So, needless to say, I am very much looking forward to this month. The sun is shining, the leaves are brilliant, the feasting and gorging still lie ahead – and so does winter, but thanks to the warm feeling in my heart and the extra 10 pounds, who even notices?