Fair Weather Not-Friends

I remember when I used to love the first snow of the season. Or, as it’s called in Victoria, the only snow of the season. Oh, but wasn’t it magical? Those soft white flakes drifting to earth, blanketing everything as far as the eye could see, ready to be formed into snowmen or snow angels or snowballs or ice balls which are just like snowballs but with a chunk of ice at the middle so that you can finally test the old adage about the fun, the games, and the putting out of eyes.

And even when I moved out East (and yes, I’ve looked at a map, and yes, I know where I live isn’t technically East, and yes, I’m not going to change despite how ridiculous and inaccurate my statement, like how folks from PEI say “When’d you get home?” when they really mean “Hey, first-time visitor, when did you arrive in our fine province?”) snow still had that element of fantasy. The first snow of first year, a group of us went out in our totally-unsuitable-for-winter winter clothes and stood around gaping and then frolicked and giggled like children and threw handfuls of snow at each other and generally acted like doofuses who had never seen snow before; which, in all fairness, was actually true for my playmates as they happened to be from Mexico City. Also, in all fairness to me, I come by my dorkiness honestly.

So – we had our first snow last week and it was beautiful and magical and blah blah blah but today was the second snow of the season and I have already reached my saturation level for snow and the dumb things it makes people do in Ottawa which impact me personally, namely:

1) Drive like mentally-impaired chimps, almost doubling my commute time; OR
2) Get so scared of driving in the snow that they decide to take the bus, so I get to STAND during my twice-as-long-commute;
3) Use umbrellas when it snows – and I’m sure I’ve ranted about this before, but what is it with people who use freakin’ golf umbrellas ON THE SIDEWALK? ASSHOLES. And yes, you are going to have to go around me because I’m not going to WALK ON THE STREET because you’ve decided that you don’t want snow landing on or within a three-foot-radius of you. Also? ASSHOLES;
4) Crank up the heat to 28 degrees so that you nearly have a cardiac event by entering a building which is more than 50 degrees warmer than the outside;
6) Wear miniskirts and nylons after the temperature drops below freezing because looking good is more important than feeling good or even feeling anything – look, if you wanted to embody unrealistic female stereotypes, why not just stay home and darn somebody’s socks and talk about how you don’t always feel fresh, you know, down there? because just looking at you drops my body temperature by at least 10 degrees.
5) Say “Well at least it isn’t rain!” which…okay, freezing rain is worse than snow, so you got me there. Nevermind.

Aw…I know I’m being pretty negative and all (WHAT@#$!@$#??) but I guess it’s not all that bad. The lights are pretty, especially with snow, and the Canal will be open in a couple of months, and it’s fun seeing all the pretentious suits wearing dorky toques, and whatnot.

Plus – winter election? Ice balls? Need I say more?