How the Mighty Have Fallen (Prey to Flawed Arguments and Rhetoric)

As I have mentioned before, my job exposes me to pretty much every single publication circulated in the entire country. A lot of them immediately get filed in the big blue bin (sorry, Ontario Chicken Farmers), but some of them get read cover to cover as soon as I have a spare moment. And, perhaps because I am some sort of crazed masochist (I prefer to think of it as knowing my enemy but hey! po-tay-to, po-tah-to), this includes a trinity of newsletters from organizations whose very existence confuses and enrages me: REAL Women of Canada, Campaign Life Coalition, and LifeCanada.

So when the latter of these arrived today, a took a quick moment to scan through it, looking for irrefutable evidence that I am a shameless whore who God will punish with all forms of terrible STDs and cancers (if only those damn scientists would stop discovering treatments for them) (ASIDE: DD and I were going through customs together in Vancouver, and the officer was this, like, New Yorker with the accent and everything, and we were all "Oh, we're travelling together but we're not family and that's why we each filled out a declaration card" and he's all "So, living in sin, huh? Have a nice cruise!" and that was it. Maybe he didn't get the memo that I am a shameless whore).

Anyway, I'm looking through the newsletter, and it got me angry for approximately 30 seconds, then sad, then angry, then hopeful (they do actually have some good stuff in there, dealing with issues like stem cell research, euthenasia, rights of the disabled, and other topics that often get overlooked by other groups too caught up in the glamourous world of showing pictures of aborted foetuses), then angry again, then angst-ridden, and then I would have normally forgetten about it except for an article on the very back page. And I'm reading it, and it's an anti-abortion piece presenting about a half-dozen totally flawed arguments, but written with this folksy, down-home humour and gentle irreverence and I'm thinking "I know this writing style" and then I see the name and I'm all "No. Shit. Doctor Dave!"

Now, O-towners won't know this name, but back home, he was known to many as a doctor, a columnist, father of an crazy-talented and super sweet daughter who also played on my softball team, which he, incidentally, coached.

Oh, Doctor Dave...I wish LifeCanada had this recent issue up so y'all could read along at home, but you'll have to read now and fact-check later. Thing is, I have a ton of respect for this man, and he's done a lot for a lot of people, and he really is a likeable guy, and so it pains me to no end to have him write things like:

Every child is wanted. Every pregnancy is not [...] Doctors constantly
receive requests from those who would love the opportunity to raise a
child. Every child is wanted... by someone.

Which - nice sentiment, but try telling that to these kids. And then, this gem:

Q)What about a woman's right to do with her body as she pleases?
A: It is against the law for a woman to sell her body or do certain things
to or with it [maybe it shouldn't be, then!-Floyd]. But a growing fetus
is, in fact, not her body...An appendix or a toenail is part of our body but a fetus is a distinct society.

Dude - you are...a doctor. Like, an actual medical doctor. And, I have heard, a good one. So, this? Is a little weak, coming from you. This one reminds me of an argument I had in high school with Rikki about whether or not one could "fall off" of one's shoes, which she said one could, whereas I maintained that one could only "fall out" of one's shoes, and said argument went all the way to our English teacher, who soundly crushed me by siding on the "fall off and/or fall out" end of things. "Part of her body", "in her body", see above: po-tay-to, po-tah-to. (Also see - "Straw Man") Bottom line - HER BODY.

Also - man, is Quebec going to be le pissed when they realizes that foetuses everywhere beat them to the "distinct society" sucker punch. Also - man, are women everywhere going to be la pissed when they realize that their is a distinct society inside their wombs and the government starts to try to fund heritage and unity events up there ("Please, ma'am, just one "Canada" banner?" "NO!").

There's more, but this post has already taken me through half a Law & Order: SVU, a brand-new Lost, the inevitable Kevin Covais elimination and now the latter part of Tomb Raider: Cradle of Life (honestly? I think I am kinda in love with the awesomeness that is Angelina. Her hotness transcends all known sexual orientations. Huh... sort of like this guy's), and threatens to take me all the way to the midnight rebroadcast of The Daily Show.

So, unlike the comprehensive lists of arguments against abortions with appropriate rebuttals which I had intended, I will leave you with the thought that even smart, generous, and educated people will often sacrifice accuracy in favour of humour (no, I don't mean me...well, not just me :)); that even the best of us can fall prey to fallacious arguments when our most sacred beliefs are being debated; and that Angelina Jolie is like, way hot.