I feel your pain. I too was once brutally exposed to this thing called "winter". Repeatedly. Sometimes on purpose. And yet, I survived. And you can too, if you follow some simple survival
tips!Tip #1: How to walk on an icy sidewalk
This is all about centre of gravity. You need to keep your weight over each foot, eyes on your path,taking small deliberate steps and do not, under any circumstances shuffle your feet. If you are doing it correctly, random passerbys will think you are an elderly man walking through a minefield. They may point and laugh, or perhaps offer to walk you across the street.
Careful. CAREFUL! That's it...
Tip #2: Driving in snow
Don't.
Okay, fine. You may have to get somewhere (work, school, driving random passerbys to the hospital after they point at you, laugh and slip, cracking their tailbones) and the buses are probably a)running late and b)being driven by people who also don't know what do to in the snow.
The weakest of the herd are left to succumb to the cold.
So if you must - go slow. No, slower. No - SLOWER. Theeeeerrrrre. Thaaaaaat's iiiiiiit. Be as gentle on the pedals as a newborn baby...that you step on...
Tip #3: Dressing
In the temperature adjustment system, the people need to present two separate, yet equally important groups: the layers who protect against cold and the accessories that keep in the heat. These are their stories. (dunhk duhnk).
Toques may look dorky, but you know what else looks dorky? WHEN YOUR FROSTBITTEN EARS FALL OFF. Put it on. And the scarf (extra long so it can wrap around your face) and gloves and at least an extra two layers under your jacket. (bomp bomp)
So that's it! Three simple ways to survive the unbearable cold snap MINUS temperature that has afflicted the Garden City, even if it lasts for, like, a whole TWO WEEKS...or more! (duh duh).
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4 comments:
Great tips on winter survival in the West. For our Nation's Capital, however, there are some slight alterations:
1. Flat footed planting aids that gravity bit. Heel or toe, and you're likely to slip. Short strides are useful, also when walking on unplowed sidewalks covered in churned-up powder. Too fast and you'll be spinning your boots.
2. Yeah, don't. Even with the OC Transpo transit strike, walking is fun, esp. if you pretend you're in a race (see my facebook note on Secret Men's Racing). If the distance is too far, try mooching off a friend. Driving Miss Daisy looked pretty comfortable in the back, right?
3. Additional items might include balaklava, keffieh, neck tube (great for outdoor sports), 'Radar O'Reilly' US Army helmet toque, cold gear tights to wear under your trousers. All of which I own. :) If you're not down with ear muffy things, then buy those really big headphones for your mp3 player. They'll keep you warm, and entertained!
Rob, these are excellent tips! I'm personally a fan of the big headphones. You can even get fuzzy ones. Love it!
Ha! I so enjoyed reading this one. I just got home and my mom has this "wonderful" thing called a 14 year old girl who is another species and her 11 year old sister who acts the same. They need to read your blog so their EARS DONT FALL OFF!!!!
Maybe they are the same species as my younger brother, who grudgingly wore pants instead of shorts three days into the abnormally cold and snowy winter.
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