What a load of Horst Burbulla!

Well, another Oscar night is come and gone. All in all, one of the better shows in years, I'd say. Kathy Griffin on the red carpet with Star Jones - wow, what an odd pair. Gotta admit, I love me some Kathy Griffin (you're awesome! Stop with the plastic surgery addiction already! Less being cut up, more cutting up others!), especially when she described Gisele Bundchen as "Leonardo DiCaprio's grandmother". Bwa ha ha! That's a keeper.

What else - oh, Chris Rock. People have already complained that he toned it down for the Oscars, but that's probably because IT'S THE OSCARS! Seriously. Anyway, I thought he hit the right balance and his bit about the Gap employee declaring war on Banana Republic...yeah, good times. Although the funniest bit of the night was when he introduced "comedic legend Jeremy Irons" all, haha, it's funny because he's a stodgy old Brit, and then Irons shows off some quick wit with the "I hope they missed" comment that got one of the biggest laughs of the night.

Other good stuff - NFB-produced "Ryan" winning Best Animated Short got the biggest cheer out of the five women in my apartment. We Canucks loves us some Animated Shorts. No gold for fellow Canadians Paul Haggis (adapting Million Dollar Baby) or Hubert Davis (Best Doc Short nominee Hardwood), who at least got to stand on the stage and was easily identified with his movie, 'cause it was about his pro-basketball playing father. Just picture this.

Speaking of standing on the stage - those two new twists this year were less obnoxious than I expected. I refer, of course, to the "lesser" nominees being either a) forced to stand onstage as the names are read, with the losers slinking off in shame when the winner's name is called, kind of like high school all over again when they were on the lunch-time dating game representing the AV club, all, fuck you quarterbacks and drama queens, one day I'm gonna be nominated for an Oscar and forced to live this all out again in front of millions of people or b) seated along the aisle in one section with their fellow nominees while some perpetual Oscar-bridesmaid announces the winner who then proceeds to the Town Hall-esque microphone that's miraculously appeared for their 10 seconds of air time before fucking Bill Conti decides only people who promise to talk about Clint Eastwood don't get cut off by the music.

Okay, let's talk fashion. Um, the women were mostly hot. Whatever. I liked the pretty colours. I'm going to be a little harsh on the dudes here, because, seriously? They have it waaaay easier than the women. It reminds me of grad, with all the girls booking hair and makeup appointments and shopping for dresses months in advance and getting waxed and styled and trimmed, and, omigod, don't get me started on accessories and the shoes, with Mme. McFarland ordering us all to bring them in so we could walk properly in heels, like, Julia Roberts could've have used her some Mme. McFarland, and God Forbid any other girl should get the same dress as you 'cause then wouldn't you both just die and you have to start ALL OVER AGAIN. And the boys, like, rented tuxes the day before grad. So I have a little more sympathy for the women 'cause even if they don't look so good, it's rarely due to a lack of effort. Whereas the men? All they need to do is a)shave, b) get a haircut and c)get a tux. And some of them couldn't even do that - yes, I'm looking at you, Johnny Depp.

This is getting long, so other notable moments:
-Fucking Beyoncé. Note to Academy - an accented name does not a French person make.
-Fucking Josh Groban. I want to poke him in his creepy dead eyes.
-Adam Duritz - Get a haircut or SpongeBob Squarepants is going to try to live in your head.
-Penelope Cruz is no longer relevant, not that she ever was, why is she on my TV?
-Sure, Martin Scorsese didn't really deserve to win this time around, but he's been robbed so many times in the past I figured they'd try to make it up to him. Apparently not. He's the Susan Lucci of legitimate cinema.
-Sean Penn trying to stick up for Jude Law, who was probably wetting himself over the number of times his name was mentioned anyway.

There's lots more but I'm not about to recap the whole night, because somebody's already done that for me.

Oh - and in case you were wondering about the title - I'd like to thank Academy's Science and Tecnology Awards for introducing me to the freakin' awesomest name ever. It's so satisfying to say. Try it! Nobody's around...come on, say it with me! "Horst Burbulla! Horst...Burbulla! Hoooooorst Burbullllllaaaaaa!"

And...I'm spent.