Sunday, January 11, 2004

Dear Mr. Fournier,

Hi. It's me, Laura from BC, Vimy guide. In light of our conversation today, I would like to make the following points:

1) I lied. We did not have a conversation. Here's a tip: if the amount of time spent speaking by each party is approximately equal, then it is a conversation. If one party speaks 10 times as much as the other, it is a lecture. If one party speaks 100 times more than the other, it is reason for manslaughter.

2) Speaking reallyreallyreally fast does not make anyone understand your northern French dialect any better, especially anglophones from BC.

3) If the person you are speaking to is merely smiling and nodding, then they are not interested. If they are glancing away, playing with hair or clothing, or fidgeting, they are very very bored. If they are gritting their teeth, kicking the table aggressively and glaring at you, they are mentally picturing you being dragged away by wild horses.

4) Tour guides are there to give tours, not to entertain 60 year old men. Or 67, or 58, or 72, or however old you happen to be.

Sincerely,

Laura Floyd on behalf of all tour guides everywhere

Ah, life is sweet in the service industry..."Hee hee, I don't really have a job to do or responsibilities or anything...don't ask me, I'm just a girl!"

By sweet I mean bitter. And by "life in the service industry" I mean me!

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